The Fight I Didn’t See Coming

I am in a love-hate relationship with this verse:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will direct your path.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

I love this verse because it tells me that all I have to do is trust God.
I hate this verse because it tells me that all I have to do is trust God.

Do you see my dilemma?

Yes, well, there seems to be a disconnect between my head and my heart.
On one hand I love this verse, because it says that I don’t have to worry about things and that I just need to trust God – besides, He’s got it all figured out anyway! My logical thought process goes something like this: “Trust God, that’s all. That’s all He asks – trust Him, follow Him in righteousness, and trust Him with my life. He’ll do what needs to be done. He’ll lead, and I won’t have to do anything to make my life something beautiful…that’s His business, that’s what He does. If I try to do it by myself, it will be anything but beautiful, and I definitely don’t want that.”

But then my selfish heart says, “Yeah, buuuuuut, I really want this, and I’m sure that it’s the best. So I’ll just do what I think will work so that my life turns out the way I want it to.”

What’s wrong with this picture? The loop between my head and heart has short-circuited, leaving me in this internal fight. This battle seems to have no end in sight, it’s distracting, and very exhausting. I don’t understand why my heart tries to trump my head, even though my head knows what is right.

So you see, Proverbs 3:5-6 is quite the taskmaster for me. I hate it when it tells my selfish heart that its efforts are futile, but I love it when it reminds me that all I have to do is trust God! When my selfish heart starts to take over, it gently (ok, and sometimes not so gently) tugs me back to the Scriptures and the pure heart of God… “Trust me, daughter. Stop trying to do things your way and just trust Me. I know what I’m doing, and it’s going to be way better than you can even dream of. But you have to trust Me.”

So, I guess I really do love Proverbs 3:5-6. Like, a lot. It just takes me a while to get there sometimes.

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