Stop Reading This Post

Guess what? Tomorrow is officially the first day of summer! For me and many other Michiganders, summer starts whenever you can go outside without a winter coat, which is around April 15 (mostly because you had to sell your coat to pay your taxes that day).

It’s about this time that you’ll find posts about summer popping up around the internet, telling you awesome things to do this summer. I even read one called “Ten Ways to Give your Kids an Honest-to-Goodness 1970s Summer,” which included locking your kids outside for the day and dropping them off at the theaters to movie hop. Sure, it’s illegal, but it’s cheap babysitting!

Everywhere you turn now you can find a list essay on how to have the perfect fill-in-the-blank. Wanna know what I think?

Well, first, I think list essays are problematic, because they never actually get read. I mean, come on, I’m clicking on this 8-reasons-to-do-such-and-such for the 8 reasons, not for the paragraph you write under each reason. Note to writers everywhere: readers don’t read your whole list post. How do I know? Because I don’t read your whole post. It’s reality. If you want to get read, don’t write list posts. If you want to get skimmed, list away. Just saying.

I confess: I know I just wrote a list post, but there was only two things in my list, which I’m not sure qualifies as a list. And it was about something that those interested would definitely read, and those who weren’t probably didn’t even click on it. So I’m okay with that.

Here’s what I think you should do to make this summer the best ever. I only have one rule for summer:

Do something you couldn’t do four months ago.

Four months ago (that would be February), we were all eskimos huddling together to keep warm. We were like cartoon people stuck together in one group that moves from elevator to elevator. (You know what I’m talking about, right?) There was a lot of things we couldn’t do. But now, summer has blasted open our options of things to do. So do something that you can only do right here, right now, like watch less TV, eat more watermelon, go swimming even if the water is 70 degrees (it will be refreshing), take a bike ride, stop reading this post and go buy something from the ice cream truck.

But whatever you do, make it something that you can only do in the summer.

That’s the only thing on my summer list. Which I guess makes it not a list. Or a really easy list to conquer. Whatever. I’m going outside.

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